you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
How external is "for external use only"?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
