considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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