Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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