my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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