Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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