Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well you can't waste a boner
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
