he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
