Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
