Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
