Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
