I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
