i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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