During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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