Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
