there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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