Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
