i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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