I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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