My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
