accomplished twins. life is a go
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
