i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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