I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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