the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
