I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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