I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
