my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
