Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
