I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
