It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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