My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
