I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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