Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
