how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
