Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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