You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
