3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
