i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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