At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
