Michael Bay diarrhea
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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