im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
