I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ttyl tear gas
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
