well you can't waste a boner
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
