Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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