lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
