did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
