Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
