it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
