Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
