By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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