Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
