i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
