Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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